Letting go
by Neko1
Summary: Subaru's birthday, an ordinary case and some unusual confessions...


Title: Letting go  
  
Author: Neko  
email: sumeragi_subarukun@yahoo.de  
URL: www.michiru.de  
Series: Tokyo Babylon  
  
Rating: PG-13  
Warning: a little sad and angsty – and way too short  
Disclaimer: I do not own Subaru, Hokuto and Seishirou, CLAMP does. And I don't make money with this.  
  
Comment: This little plotbunny glomped me a day too late for Subaru's birthday, but I decided to write it down   
anyway... and please forgive me my crappy English. ^^;;;  
  
Dedicated to Shiun (happy birthday to you, too), Hokuto and Yui with love and huggies ^^  
  
*+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+**+*  
  
**+* Letting go *+**  
Subaru let out a tiny sigh of relief and began packing his things - the ceremonial dagger and the remaining   
ofudas – into his bag.  
  
This job had taken far longer than he had expected, and now he was tired to no end.   
  
„Sumeragi-san, I'm so grateful for your help", he heard the woman say who had waited with her little children in   
the corner of the room. „I loved my husband very much... but I couldn't stand it any longer to see his face in   
every wall of this house..."   
  
Her voice broke, and she started sobbing.  
  
„Your husband is at peace now", Subaru assured her, trying to smile. "But it's fairly often that a spirit doesn't   
want to leave the mortal plane although it's time is over, but then it only causes suffering to himself and others."   
  
The woman's tear-streaked face turned up to look at the young onmyouji.   
  
„I hope he knows that I love him forever, but I can't spend the rest of my life with this shadow over me..."  
  
Subaru crossed the room and took the woman's shaking hand in his own gloved ones.   
  
„He knew it, I'm sure", he said, his voice soft and compassionate. „ So please don't blame yourself. Try to carry   
on – for your children."   
  
„I will. Thank you, Sumeragi-san."  
  
The woman managed a tear-edged smile and lovingly looked down at her two little kids that stared at Subaru in  
wonder, still too small to understand what had happened.   
  
*+**+*  
  
Leaving the house, Subaru was greeted with a worried expression on Seishirou's face.  
  
„Subaru-kun! Is everything alright? You spent hours in there!"  
  
„It was more difficult than I thought", Subaru answered, vaguely realizing that the sun was already setting. „I hope,   
Hokuto-chan won't mind me being this late..."  
  
The young vet laughed and opened the car.  
  
„She'll be furious! Or did you forget that she spent the entire last week preparing your birthday party? And now you  
got called to a job on this special day!"  
  
The he noticed that Subaru's face looked not only exhausted, but strangely... musing.  
  
„Is there something the matter, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou gently asked as he pulled the car out to the busy streets   
of Tokyo.  
  
The young onmyouji stared out of the window in silence.   
  
Finally he answered: "I don't know. It's just that I realized how often I have encountered spirits that don't want to   
move on to the next world. Although they suffer in this world, they stay. This man I sent off today... he didn't want to   
leave his family, but in the end he only scared them. I... I don't really understand this."  
  
Seishirou shot a quick glance at Subaru, then continued looking at the street in front of him.  
  
"I think, it's a matter of being able to let go", he said. "The man loved his family so much that he couldn't leave   
them; his feelings for them stayed alive, although the man was already dead. You know, people attach   
themselves so easily to persons or things, and often they forget them very fast. But sometimes they can't let go.   
Especially when a truly beloved person is concerned."   
  
Seishirou winked at Subaru.  
  
Promptly the young man blushed and nervously gripped his bag with his gloved hands.  
  
"But... but what about the people that stay behind?" he asked, not wanting to let the topic drop. "The man's wife   
said that she would continue loving her husband, but also wanted to go on with her life. How is this possible?"  
  
"Because she is able to let go, Subaru-kun. The woman doesn't want to forget her beloved, but at the same time   
she accepts the fact that he's dead and will never come back to her. So she carries on. Surely she will miss her   
husband and perhaps she won't fall in love ever again, but she doesn't let her husband's death end her own life.   
Sometimes humans can be very, very strong."  
  
Subaru stared at the man next to him in astonishment. It was not uncommon that Seishirou explained confusing   
things to him to make him feel better, but this... Subaru suddenly felt very young and stupid for not realizing this   
answer for himself.  
  
"I'm sorry", he said quietly. "It's part of my job to be a counselor for humans and spirits alike, but I still don't   
understand so many things... "  
  
Seishirou smiled warmly.  
  
"Subaru-kun, you once said yourself that no one is ever be able to fully understand another person, remember?   
But the important thing is that you feel with other people. I think, a gentle heart is much more important than   
a clever mind."  
  
Much to his embarrassment, Subaru felt tears filling his eyes. He rapidly tried to blink them away.  
  
No, he was wrong. Seishirou understood him perfectly, maybe more than he himself ever could.  
  
For the rest of the way the two sat there in silence.  
  
*+**+*  
  
Hesitantly Subaru made his way to the door of his apartment, Seishirou in tow.  
  
He could almost hear Hokuto's shrill voice yelling at him why he was so late, today was their birthday, everything  
was prepared, but no, her stupid little brother had to go out to chase some ghost...  
  
The young onmyouji hoped his birthday gift to her – a pair of incredible beautiful earrings in the shape of stars –   
would make it up a little.  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
Surprised Subaru turned around, seeing Seishirou frantically searching his pockets.  
  
"I can't believe it, I forgot your present! Now Hokuto will never allow me to marry you!" he exclaimed,   
theatrically raising his arms in despair.   
  
"Se-Seishirou-san!" Subaru stammered, blushing. "It's... it's ok, I really don't mind. You can give it to me   
tomorrow..." Then he added, blushing an even deeper shade of red: "But you didn't have to buy me a present at   
all..."  
  
The young vet smiled, laying a hand on Subaru's shoulder.  
"Subaru-kun, I love you. Giving you a birthday present is both my duty and my pleasure!"  
  
Subaru didn't know if he should die of embarrassment or start to cry with happiness.   
How could he possibly be so lucky to have a friend like Seishirou-san?   
  
So, instead, he managed to smile.  
  
"You... you already gave me a very valuable present... and I hope I'll never miss it..."  
  
Then his face grew thoughtful again.  
"Seishirou-san... do you think you would be able to let go, if it's time?"  
  
Seishirou looked surprised for a moment, then his amber eyes behind the glasses lit up with a strange glimmer.  
"No, Subaru-kun, I don't think so. If I have something I treasure, I'll never let it go again."  
  
With these words he took Subaru's gloved right hand in his own, gently stroking over the back of it.  
  
Suddenly, the apartment door went open.  
  
"Subaruuuuuu!!!! Sei-chaaaan!!! I've been waiting for hours!"  
  
The loud voice of his sister pulled Subaru out of his almost-trance.  
There had been something about Seishirou-san's eyes that made him feel dizzy...  
  
"Hey, will you two come in and stop staring at each other in the hallway? I mean, it's romantic and all, but I die   
with hunger! I can't believe you have taken this job, Subaru, especially today! And Sei-chan, you should have   
kidnapped my brother hours ago and bring him back here! After all the trouble I had to make this evening   
perfect..."  
  
Hokuto's voice faded away as she stomped back into the apartment.  
  
Subaru looked at Seishirou, but the young vet smiled as innocently as ever, and then followed Hokuto into the   
apartment.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Hokuto-chan, but..."  
  
Looking after his fuming sister and his apologizing friend, Subaru entered the apartment and closed the door   
behind him.  
  
'No, I wouldn't be able to let go either', he thought, 'and I don't think I ever wanted to.'  
OWARI  
Neko  
02|20|003 


End file.
